An Evening with Yoda and Tonto

There is a knock at my door and I answer it.

Me: Hello, Yoda! How are you?

Yoda: Fine, I am.

Me: Great. Come on in and have a seat.

Yoda enters and takes a seat.

Me: Say, how old are you now?

Yoda: Old I am, years 878 born I was, ago.

Me: How’s that? Are you 878 years old?

Yoda: 878 am I.

Me: Okay, I think. So anyway, what brings you to this neck of the woods?

Yoda: Concerned I am. Danger there is.

Me: Danger? What kind of danger?

There is another knock on my door. I excuse myself and answer.

Me: Tonto! Hey. It’s good to see you. Come on in and cool your silverheels.

Tonto enters and sits on the floor. (Indian fashion)

Tonto: Long time no see.

Me: Yes, it has been a long time. Do you know Yoda?

Tonto: Little green man, yes.

Yoda: Welcome, you are.

Me: So, Yoda was just telling me about some trouble brewing.

Yoda: People not yet old, listen they do not.

Me: Huh?

Yoda: In great peril you are.

Tonto gets up and peeks through the blinds. He looks both ways and cautiously returns to his seat.

Me: From what?

Yoda: Lurks danger everywhere there is.

Tonto: Tonto see no danger. Green man lie.

Yoda: In wrong place does Tonto look.

Tonto: Huh?

Me: I get it. Danger lurks. We are in great peril.

Tonto: Green man strange.

There is an uncomfortable pause that hovers for a long time.

Me: Hey, let’s try this: Knock, knock!

Tonto: Tonto love Knock Knock joke. Laugh long time after.

Me: Great—Knock, knock.

Yoda: Come in.

Tonto: No. Green man say: Who there?

Yoda: Who? Me?

Me: Yes, er, you just say, who’s there.

Yoda: Again let us try. Wait—there is no try—only do.

Me: Knock, knock.

Yoda: Come in.

Tonto: No! Green man say, who there?

Me: You are not a party guy, are you, Yoda?

Yoda: Who’s there?

Me: Nobel.

Yoda: What?

Tonto: No! Green man lie! Say, Nobel who?

Yoda: Nobel who?

Me: No bell—that’s why I knocked! Aha ha ha ha! Aha ha ha ha!

Tonto: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Green man fall for it! Ha ha ha! Maybe him buy Brooklyn Bridge next? Ha ha.

Yoda: Go now, I must. Force be with you, may the.

Me: Sorry, I am. Bye-Good. Bed bugs bite, don’t let. Later. Uh huh.

Tonto: Green man go now.

Next Week: An Evening With Jar Jar Binks and Charlie Chan.

Copyright 2010 Tom Roy