Husband and wife in bedroom—husband is still in bed, wife is already dressed and perky.
HUSBAND: “Gosh, my throat is scratchy and my nose is running—what’s wrong with me?”
WIFE: “Sounds like you’re coming down with a cold! Here, try this!”
Wife gives husband a bright, glowing pink Koldtronic capsule. He takes pill and reclines with a smile. Wife looks on with pity while husband immediately falls asleep.
Begin sequence of husband enjoying life, doing household chores, laughing with wife and friends, etc., as Announcer reads disclaimer:
ANNOUNCER: Koldtronic attacks cold and flu symptoms immediately, bringing fast, fast, fast relief! For best results Koldtronic should be taken at bedtime under competent adult supervision. While Koldtronic is a highly effective remedy, it is not for everyone—do not take Koldtronic if you intend to have children within the next eighteen years, and women of child-bearing age should not take Koldtronic unless they long to have facial hair and thickened brows. Men over twenty-five may experience incontinence, severe vomiting and bleeding from the eyes and ears while men over thirty-two may also become anti-social and dangerous. Men should be strapped down in bed after taking Koldtronic with a stick jammed between their teeth to prevent severing of the tongue and cheeks from uncontrollable chewing patterns and the belief that you are a mad dog. You may experience extremely realistic visions of hell and beg for death before sunrise. Thoughts of suicide are common when taking Koldtronic. Consult a doctor before taking Koldtronic, especially if you have ever had a headache or scraped your knee as a child as blood poisoning occurs in most cases. If unusual and painful growths form on your forehead and extremities, stop taking Koldtronic and consult a tropical disease specialist or a priest. Intense joint pain and loss of limbs occurs in less than eighty percent of men under twenty years of age. Notify your nearest Hazmat Team and funeral director that you intend to ingest Koldtronic. Koldtronic has proven 2% more effective than placebos in masking cold symptoms. If your weight doubles overnight, stop taking Koldtronic as this can lead to serious side effects. After taking Koldtronic, some men believe they are destined to rule the world or take on the appearance of forest sprites.
Wife looks in on sleeping husband, smiles and turns out light.
Fade to black.
©2010 Tom Roy
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