Somewhere in Iowa

         “Some peculiar things‘ve been goin’ on all summer, and this mornin’ was no different. The woman comes a runnin’ in and starts whinin’ about some kind of weird storm headin’ our way. She says, ‘There’s a fuzzyball twister comin’! We best get!’ So I turns to her and says, “What do you mean ‘fuzzyball twister?’ There ain’t no such of a thing! Well, she gets right in my face and says to me, ‘It’s rainin’ down fuzzyballs, big as hay bails, and I call it a fuzzyball twister! I seen it!’”

         “So, I says to her, I says ‘Woman, I got me trouble enough trying to sell 300 bushels of glow-in-the-dark cabbage that nobody wants, so don’t you be comin’ in here with your wild stories about no fuzzysball storm!’ But she don’t let up a bit. She says, ‘Well, I know what I seen, and I seen fuzzyballs fallin’ out of the sky, millions of ‘em, and everyone’s bigger than that green rooster we got locked up in the barn, and by the way, he’s getting’ bigger everyday—he’s four foot if he’s an inch!’”

         “Woman,” I says, “that rooster’s gonna fetch a good price, once we figure out how to hide that second head, so don’t be draggin’ him into this. And while we’re talkin’ about it, how are them chickens doing?”

         “She commences to holler at me, ‘Them chickens is still whistlin’ and shrinkin’ faster everyday, but they’s still layin’ them eight-sided eggs at least, some of which are starting to float in mid-air, and that cow, the one that sprouted wings last week? Well, this mornin’ she commenced to fly! She got up over the silo and got pelted but good by them damn fuzzyballs, and she ended up lightin’ on the barn roof. This scared the horses I guess, ‘cause they started stampedin’…. kinda funny seein’ fourteen tiny ponies runnin’ in little circles in the cat-box, but that’s exactly what they’s doin’!”

         “So, I says to her, ‘Woman, you complain more than any ten people I know. Now, I want you to go out there and feed them turquoise hogs, before they vanish completely, and let me alone while I figure out what to do about that stupid dog. He’s fourteen foot long at last measure, getting’ real bright red, and I believe he’s pregnant.”