Free Parking

The Baxters were over again. Herb and Audrey Baxter. They brought a Monopoly game with them and begged Jack and Millie Harper to play a game. Millie thought it would be a lot of fun—Jack wasn't so sure. He hadn't particularly liked Monopoly as a kid and had no reason to believe he would like it anymore now, however he didn't want to make a scene and went along with the program. Before the game started, they argued about Free Parking. The Baxters wanted to start the game with $500 in the middle of the board, to be awarded to anyone landing on Free Parking and to have all fees and penalties go to Free Parking instead of to the Bank. Jack became visibly angry over this stipulation and complained, "You're reducing the game to a pure chance proposition! Anybody that hits the Free Parking jackpot is going to win!"

His reasoning was ignored, and play began. Within a few quick rounds, Herb Baxter had all the utilities and the yellow monopoly. Audrey had all the railroads and the red monopoly. Millie had the pale blue and orange monopolies.

Jack had nothing. Nothing at all. He was the last to begin play and on his very first roll he had landed on Connecticut Ave., Millie’s property.

Within a few more rounds everyone had fully developed their properties—hotels on every square. Jack was low on cash because he kept rolling bad numbers and repeatedly landed on everyone else's squares. He lost money every time he tossed the dice. 

Play continued uneventfully for a few rounds. Jack finally landed on Boardwalk and he bought it. He landed on Chance or Community Chest the next three throws, and had to pay penalties each time. He was almost broke. Herb Baxter rolled a seven, landing on Free Parking and collected a whopping $1,700!

Unbelievable. Jack shook with anger.

Millie rolled a three, landing on Park Place and immediately purchased it, dashing Jack's last hope of getting even one monopoly.

Irritated with Millie’s insensitive purchase, Jack turned to his wife and said, "I want to buy Park Place from you. How much do you want?"

Millie looked at Jack as if he had just grown another head.

"Why would I sell you Park Place? I just bought it,” she answered.

"Because I'll make life a living hell for everyone in this room if you don't. That’s why you’ll sell me Park Place," he replied without a trace of humor.

Millie could see that Jack was prepared to be childish. "All right, how much money do you have left?"

Jack counted out $83.

"No, I'm not going to sell Park Place for $83!"

Jack gave her a look of sheer hatred, baring his teeth and squinting. "You will sell it for $83!" He seethed.

Millie saw that Jack was both perfectly willing and utterly capable of becoming a complete ass, so she sold him Park Place for $83.

Audrey rolled a seven and landed safely on her own property. It was Jack's turn. He rolled a three, putting him on Herb's fully developed Marvin Gardens. Jack was busted. Like a child, he threw the deeds to Boardwalk and Park Place at Herb and said, "Here! Take everything!"

Herb was so far ahead by now, he could afford to be big. He gave the deeds back to Jack saying, "Forget it. You had a bad run of luck, let's just call it even."

"Don't patronize me, Baxter. If you want to give me a break, let me take it over."

Herb generously agreed. Jack moved the damn shoe back three spaces, and then rolled a three. This put him back on Marvin Gardens.

"Do it over," Herb suggested.

He did, and rolled another three. Millie giggled, which Jack always hated. Jack got up and stormed into the kitchen. He poured himself a tall glass of vodka, and drank it down like lemonade.

He staggered back to the game and took a seat. His stomach was on fire and he could feel the nachos slowly making their way back up.

The last thing he saw was Audrey landing on Free Parking and collecting $800. Jack keeled over, fell on the floor and spewed nachos and vodka.

It was a pathetic end to a shameful evening. The Baxter’s folded up their Monopoly board and said good night to Millie while Jack remained on his knees, regretting most of the choices he had made earlier that night. 

©2010 Tom Roy