Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Strange Case Of Mrs. Hardpimple


Ed Wrigley was a brilliant man and had done very well for himself in the world of electronics; so well, in fact, that he was able to retire at the ripe old age of twenty-eight! He and his wife Michelle left Silicon Valley and returned to St. Louis and settled in a posh suburb. They restored and updated a Victorian mansion and began having children. They were a very happy and vibrant family; the children excelled in school, Michelle was very involved with her community, and Ed continued to explore the boundaries of science at his own leisurely pace in his basement lab.  

Soon after their youngest child, Derek, left home to attend Princeton, a distant relative of Michelle’s, a Mrs. Eulaylee Hardpimple, turned up. She had suffered a reversal of fortunes and convinced the Wrigley’s to let her stay with them for a while.

They soon regretted this decision. Mrs. Hardpimple was the very soul of bitterness. She wore a patch over her left eye, and had a wooden leg. She was a demanding woman, hard to please, an opinionated know-it-all, and a tireless critic. When she wasn't flatulent she smelled of old garlic and sweat. Her presence in the house fostered emotions of depression, fear, hatred and dread. Ed referred to her as “the Thing.”

         One August morning after breakfast, Ed announced that he would be in the basement tinkering most of the day while Michelle had a Garden Club meeting at 10 AM. Ed placed his breakfast dishes in the sink, gave Michelle a peck on the cheek and headed for the basement. Mrs. Hardpimple observed the exchange with a keen eye as she polished her mahogany leg. She didn’t like Michelle to be away—Michelle was such a soft touch and could be counted on to cater to Eulaylee’s whims.

         Late in the afternoon Mrs. Hardpimple was amusing herself by rummaging through Ed's chest-of-drawers when she heard a strange low-pitched hum coming from the basement. “What was Ed doing down there?” she asked herself as she turned and clunk-stepped over to the stairway.

"Ed!” she bellowed, “What are you doing down there? A person can't think straight with all that racket!" A dim green light bathed the foot of the stairs. There was no answer, but the humming noise was rising. Eulaylee chuckled to herself as she recalled the time she had actually taken candy away from a baby.

"Ed! Are you playing with one of your dang gizmos?" She asked with some urgency. Again there was no answer, only the continued humming. She very cautiously descended the stairs—clunk-step-clunk-step. Whatever Ed was up to, she was determined to find out what it was, and why he was doing it, and when she could expect it to stop.

         The basement was flooded with green light. It was coming from the far end of the room. She ambled past workbenches stacked with all kinds of electronic components and parts that she didn't understand at all. Why Ed needed all this junk, Eulaylee would never understand. To her, Ed was an embarrassment in need of a comeuppance. 

"Ed Wrigley! Where are you?"

         The humming rose in pitch until it became an uncomfortable wail, and the green light grew brighter. She saw that the light and the sound were both coming from some rather large machine that stood against the far wall. As she gazed at it, bright green rings of light emanated from it, creating a tunnel of green leading to the center of the room. She didn’t like it at all—she had never seen anything like it before but was somehow irresistibly drawn to it! Undulating rings of green light surrounded her. It was a strange time to recall her little victory over her sister, 38 years earlier, when she had spoiled a Thanksgiving dinner by over-salting everything to the point that no one could eat a bite. Eulaylee giggled.

         From the center of the green tunnel, a white beam of light shot out and expanded, creating a white tunnel within the green. A second humming sound accompanied it. The two sounds blended, generating an eerie sound pattern. Eulaylee Hardpimple looked on in amazement and she wondered how she could prevent anyone else from enjoying such an exotic sensation. The humming noises became a rich tone, almost musical. Eulaylee stepped closer, the white light now shined on her face. The sensation was very pleasant and she stepped forward.

         The music was intoxicating and seemed to beckon her on. Did she hear it say "Eulaylee," she wondered.

         It called out again. There was no doubt this time—a voice was calling "Eulaylee." Over and over the voice beckoned.

         She answered cautiously, "I'm Eulaylee. Is that you Ed?" She continued forward, clunk by step, until her nose almost touched the light source. The voice rose, "Eulaylee Hardpimple, come forward!"

         Her eye was staring into the white light, and slowly the light formed an opening revealing a strange landscape beyond. The voice gently whispered "Welcome, Eulaylee," and Eulaylee Hardpimple stepped into oblivion.

         Ed smiled as he turned off the device. He was hungry and hoped that Michelle had left him something to eat, upstairs.


©2010 Tom Roy

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